


Snape's Survey

by Elf



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, survey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-11-19
Updated: 2005-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 07:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elf/pseuds/Elf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the final books came out I had the silly idea to take some of those surveys that were circulating on the internet and see what would happen if Snape was answering them (with me as the questioner). What came out was a bit of humor that I couldn't resist continuing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are written in old-school chat format so beware! If I recall correctly I started writing these just after the fifth book came out and stopped just before the seventh book. With all those surveys floating around livejournal and every other blog I thought I'd see what our favorite potions master might have to say in one. And for the record I don't have the pleasure of owning Severus Snape or anything else belonging to the Harry Potter world. (I wish I did!) The amazing J.K. Rowling has that honor.

**Bold indicates Snape’s responses**  
::...:: indicate motions  
 _Italics indicate responses by me_

1\. What is your full name?  
 **At least it starts out sensibly. Severus Snape**.  
 _That wasn't so hard, now was it?  
_ **For the moment, no.**

2\. What color pants are you wearing?  
 **Tell me again why I'm doing this?**  
 _Because the world wants to know._  
 **::glares at her::**  
 _Okay, so it's just me being sadistic. Now answer the question, Professor._  
 **Black. Satisfied?**  
 _Not yet._

3\. What are you listening to right now?  
 **This annoying young woman's constant muttering.**  
 _Hey! That was uncalled for!_  
 **::sneer:: I thought you wanted me to respond truthfully.**  
 _::mutters:: Git._

4\. What's the last thing you ate?  
 **Is that really important?**  
 _To some of us, yes it is!  
_ **A Chocolate Frog.  
** _You're kidding me.  
_ **I don't kid.**

5\. Do you wish on stars?  
 **I do believe this question is more ridiculous than the second one.  
** _I don't think you have to answer this one. You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?_  
 **I prefer it that way.**

10\. How old are you today?  
 **38.**  
 _Oh? Hmm. Not sure if that counts._  
 **What in Merlin's name are you talking about?  
** _::smiles sweetly:: Not sure if that's old enough for my "older man" fixation.  
_ **::speechless::**  
 _Ah, finally something silences the witty retorts._

11\. Favorite drink?  
 **Virgin firewhisky.**  
 _Virgin? You mean you don't like to get drunk?  
_ **Unlike some ::pointed look at her:: I prefer to keep my mind clear.**  
 _Remind me to fix that sometime._

12\. Favorite sport?  
 **Quiddtich. That cup will be back in my office this year.**  
 _Sure. And Professors Trelawney and McGonagall will become best buds._  
 **Are you doubting the Slytherin team ::glare::**  
 _Let me think about that. ::pause:: Why yes, I do believe I am._

13\. Hair color?  
 **Black.**  
 _I still say you should let me wash it.  
_ **My personal hygiene is none of your business.**  
 _Eh, you have to sleep sometime._  
 **Do you want me to continue with this insipid thing or...**  
 _Fine! No more comments about your hair. At least not till later._

14\. Do you wear contacts?  
 **Contacts?**  
 _Muggle compensations for glasses. The lenses are set directly onto the eye._  
 **No wonder muggles are, for the most part, blind.**

15\. Siblings?  
 **No.**  
 _Thank goodness for that._  
 **What was that?  
** _Oops. That must have been my outside voice._

16\. Favorite month?  
 **July.  
** _::curious:: Why July?_  
 **Because then I don't have to deal with imbecilic brats melting cauldrons right and left.**  
 _I see you point on that one._  
 **Ah, she does have a bit of intelligence.**

17\. Favorite food?  
 **::irritated:: Must I answer this as well?**  
 _Either that or I hex you._  
 **Very well. Chocolate Frogs.**  
 _Do snacks even count?_

18\. Last movie you watched?  
 **Another muggle reference?**  
 _Yeah. So I'll take that as you haven't seen one at all.  
_ **Correct.  
** _I'll have to fix that as well._  
 **Is that a threat?  
** _Nope. I don't need to threaten. That's a promise._

19\. Favorite day of year?  
 **The day after term is over and I am left in peace.**  
 _Well, were left in peace. Until I decided to bug you._

20\. What do you do to vent out anger?  
 **Take points from Gryffindor, particularly from Potter.  
** _One would swear you have it in for that boy._  
 **And one would be right.**  
 _Don't you get tired of being unfair?  
_ **No. I am, however, getting rather tired of your running commentary.**  
 _Deal with it._

21\. What was your favorite toy as a child?  
 **::glower:: I don't talk about my childhood.**  
 _And with that look on his face I don't want to press the issue. Next question..._

22\. Summer or winter?  
 **I prefer the dark of winter.  
** _With that pale skin, no wonder. I can't quite see you getting a tan._

 

23\. Hugs or kisses?  
 **Neither.**  
 _Oh, come on. Are you saying that cause you really don't like either or because you haven't had either?_  
 **::silence::**  
 _In that case I take it upon myself to find out later. ::whispers to readers:: Check in for updates on that one._

24\. Chocolate or vanilla?  
 **I prefer the taste of chocolate if you must know.**  
 _After all the food questions does this come as a surprise to anyone?_

25\. Do you want your friends to write/email back?  
 **Friends?**  
 _Okay, how about fans? Do we count?_  
 **More like stalkers.  
** _Point. But we still count._

26\. Who is most likely to respond?  
 **Is this relevant?**  
 _Not in this case._

28\. Living arrangements?  
 **I have my chambers at Hogwarts.  
** _And those would be located exactly where in the castle?  
_ **::raises eyebrow:: There are certain things that you do not need to know.  
** _::begs:: Please? Are you afraid I'll sneak in and jinx you?_  
 **I'm more worried about molestation from the looks you've been giving me.**  
 _Damn. ::snaps fingers:: My plan is out in the open._

29\. When was the last time you cried?  
 **I don't cry.  
** _Maybe tears of relief after we finish this survey and I let him escape._

30\. What is under your bed?  
 **I'll have to check it tonight to make sure that this woman isn't hiding under there.  
** _I would never hide under your bed ::looks indignant:: Behind the door is more my style._

31\. Who is the friend you have had the longest?  
 **I've known Dumbledore the longest.  
** _Aw...Sevvie has a fwiend._  
 **Do you want to survive the night?**

32\. What did you do last night?  
 **I finished another batch of Wolfsbane potion for Lupin.**  
 _More exciting than my night._  
 **Oh really?  
** _Yep. I sat down and hunted up these questions._

33\. Favorite smell?  
 **My lab.  
** _I'm surprised you can smell anything but your hair. Please let me wash it. I really have something that works well._  
 **Remember my words two questions ago.**

34.What are you afraid of?  
 **The Dark Lord winning this war.  
** _Once again, I have to agree with you._

 **Is that the end of it?**   
_Yes indeed. See? It didn't kill you.  
 **Pity. Then I wouldn't have had to put up with your sarcasm. ::walks away::**  
 _::calls out:: Hey, Professor! Keep an eye out. I'm gonna make good on those threats!  
 **::out of sight::**  
 _::shrugs:: It could have been worse. I could have gotten Rita Skeeter in here to ask him the questions.___

FIN


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right! The amazing Elf has dug up yet another survey to subject our beloved potions master to.  
> I cannot understand how you convinced me to sit through this a second time.  
> You just love my company. Admit it.  
> ::silence::  
> Or maybe it's because I broke out the bondage equipment and have you firmly secured to that chair. Either way, we're in for another round of fun. ::rubs hands together:: Let the interrogation begin. Oh and btw, I don't own anything from the HP universe, Miss Rowling does. Though I do wish I could own Sevvie for a day or two. Now, on to the fun!
> 
> Italics indicate I'm speaking.  
> Bold indicates Sevvie is talking.  
> ::......:: double colons indicate motion or such things.

01\. Name?  
 **Didn't we answer this one last time?  
** _Yep. But answer again, for the spirit of the thing.  
_ **Severus Snape  
** _See? Not a bad start._ ****  
  
02\. Named after anyone?  
 **::sneer:: Not anyone that you would know of.  
** _Hey! Be nice! ::pause:: Or at least be a little less scathing.  
_ **Or?  
** _::points to bag of S &M equipment nearby::_  
 **Point taken.**

**  
**03\. Do you wish on stars?  
 **No.  
** _Really? Never?_  
 **That's correct.**  
  
04\. Which is your favorite?  
 **The one that may one day fall and crush me so that this torture will end.  
** _Fat chance of that happening. I'm determined that you sit this out.  
_ **Then perhaps the one that may fall and rid me of your presence.**  
 _::sniffle:: I'd almost think that you didn't like me anymore._  
  
05\. When did you last cry?  
 **I don't cry.  
** _I don't believe that.  
_ **::glower::**  
 _But from that look I'll let it pass..._  
  
06\. Who do you admire?  
 **Dumbledore.  
** _At least you answered that without protest._  
 **And most likely for the last time.**  
   
07\. Are you happy right now?  
 **Frustrated is more like it.  
** _Come on, admit it, you're having a good time.  
_ **I'll be happy when this is all over.  
** _Oh that's right! We're having a drink after all this.  
_ **I had forgotten that. I'll be happy when I'm back in my chambers...  
** _::hopeful look::  
_ **...alone.**  
 _Damn._  
  
08\. What is the #1 priority in your life?  
 **Seeing the Dark Lord vanquished for good.  
** _And here I thought it was going to be something awful about Harry.  
_ **His fate happens to be number 3.  
** _Third? What's the second then?  
_ **Getting out of these sessions alive.**  
 _Careful, your other fans might not think you like them. Wouldn't want to have them mob you, would you?_

09\. Favorite lunch meal?  
 **I don't usually pay attention to meals.  
** _Maybe you just haven't had any good cookin' lately.  
_ **"Cookin'"?  
** _That's right. Anyone want to volunteer to cook dinner for Sevvie?_  
 **::glower::**

10\. Any bad habits?  
 **Of course not.  
** _You still haven't washed your hair.  
_ **You are mistaken.**  
 _Nope. ::sniffs his head:: Still smells like rotten eggs._

11\. What store would you never be caught dead in?  
 **Zonko's.  
** _What? The joke shop? You don't like the place?  
_ **Not particularly.  
** _Why is that, Sevvie? Too many jokes played on you?  
_ **Another question like that and I'll have to pass on our drinks after this is over.**  
 _For the sake of alcohol and possibly getting you drunk I'll let that one go._

12\. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?  
 **What kind of a question is that?  
** _Just one that your fans would like the answer to.  
_ **I don't have friends. So the answer is no.  
** _You do have friends. You have us!_  
 **As I said the last time that you forced this upon me, I think "stalkers" is a better fitting word.**

  
13\. Are you a daredevil?  
 **Anyone who opposes the Dark Lord in any way could be considered such.  
** _I'll agree with that. Also the way you keep provoking Harry could make you one.  
_ **What makes you say that?  
** _Because one day he really will snap and curse you._  
 **And on that day I'll happily see him expelled.**

   
14\. Do looks matter?  
 **In regards to what?  
** _Dating silly! When it comes to women, or boys as some of your fans like to speculate.  
_ **That's most definitely none of your or anyone else's concern.  
** **::pause::  
** **Wait a moment. Boys?  
** _That's right. I'm surprised you aren't familiar with one of the most popular ships that your fans like to write about you.  
_ **Meaning they pair me off with another man? Tell me, who are they talking about?  
** _Oh, you know...Sirius, Lupin, Lucius...but the one that they seem to like most is Harry._  
 **WHAT?!?!?!**

  
15\. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone?  
 **This very moment I would like to attack this woman who has me bound and just told me about what my fans like to do to me.  
** _I thought you already knew! After all, hating someone so much is often a sign of other feelings.  
_ **And what other women do I get paired with?  
** _If I tell you will you calm down?  
_ **::glare::**  
 _Until you change your mind I'm not telling._  
  
16\. Are you trendy?  
 **Hardly.  
** _True. You do smell as if you only shower when it rains.  
_ **Watch your tongue, girl.**

  
17\. What do you do to prevent anger?  
 **I don't prevent anger.  
** _Okay...so what do you do to make yourself happier?  
_ **Fail Potter's work for the day.  
** _One of these days maybe you'll ease off on the boy. Quite a few of  your fans are fond of him as well.  
_ **Which validates my opinion of my so-called "fans".  
** _::reaches into back of equipment and pulls out a black leather flogger:: Do you really want me to use this?  
_ **Not in particular. I think you'd enjoy it too much.**  
 _Heh. I think you would too._

18\. Do you trust others easily?  
 **Of course not. People must earn it.  
** _I do have to agree with you there.  
_ **Blind faith is foolishness.  
** _Not always. Sometimes you simply know you can trust someone.  
_ **No.**  
 _I guess after what you've gone through that makes sense._

  
19\. What class during school do you think was a waste of time?  
 **No class is a waste of time unless you are advanced beyond it.  
** _In which case the teachers should be sensitive to your needs and give you more advanced lessons.  
_ **Ah, something she understands.  
** _::blinks in surprise:: Was that a joke? A sarcastic one but a joke nonethless?  
_ **It appears that way.**  
 _Wow. Who knew? Sevvie has a sense of humor._

  
20\. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone?  
 **Yes. And, with a few exceptions, I do not wish to discuss the particulars.  
** _Let me guess, James and Sirius are the exceptions?  
_ **Quite correct.**  
 _I'm not surprised._

  
21\. Do you feel understood most of the time?  
 **If that were the case I would be in a different teaching position.  
** _Poor baby. Didn't get the job he wanted. Even if you had you do realize that you would still have to deal with the students.  
_ **But as the DADA professor I would have been able to curse them without a disciplinary hearing.**  
 _That is a selling point for that position. I wouldn't mind a job like that._

22\. What is/are your nickname(s)?  
 **::glare::  
** _Oh? Do I get to answer this one for you?  
_ **::silence::  
** _Okay, well...you're called Snape usually. I know I'm not your only fan who calls you Sev or Sevvie. I also know that "Git" is popular, at least amongst your students. And by a few special people you were and sometimes still are called Snivellus. Did I miss any?  
_ **::ominous silence::**  
 _Guess not._

  
23\. What are you worried about right now?  
 **I'm rather worried that this young lady is going to try to molest me after we are done.  
** _Not till after I've gotten you drunk, my dear.  
_ **Perhaps I should pass on tonights refreshments.**  
 _::kicks the bag lightly producing a loud clinking sound much like chains rattling:: Oh you don't want to do that. I'd hate to break out more toys before you're fully prepared._

  
24\. What's on the walls of your room?  
 **Nothing.  
** _Ah, like most men, the kind who can fit everything they own into a backpack of dufflebag.  
_ **There is no need for the excess that most people go to.  
** _But it provides something nice to look at and conversation starters when you have people over.  
_ **I don't have people over.  
** _You just might one of these days. From the reviews I've gotten it seems as though there might be more who would like to join me n an attack on your chambers._  
 **I shall invest in better security measures.**

  
25\. Where is your favorite place to be and why?  
 **My chambers. Alone.  
** _I could have guessed that from your earlier answers. The same old reason?  
_ **Yes. So I can't be bothered by the inane questions.**  
 _Yeah, but if you really wanted to you could have hidden or gotten away from me._

  
26\. How many scars do you have and do they have any cool stories?   
 **I have many scars.  
** _I think the one with the most history is the Dark Mark on your arm.  
_ **Does everyone know about that?  
** _Yep. Sorry, there aren't many secrets about you, Sev. Any other scars of note?  
_ **Nothing that stands out.  
** _Could I see them anyway?  
_ **That would require me removing clothing which I can promise you is not going to happen.  
** _You have to spoil all my fun, don't you?_  
 **It makes this a bit more bearable.**

  
27\. What was the biggest change for you in the last few months?  
 **Besides the Ministry finally recognizing the fact that the Dark Lord has returned?  
** _Yes, other than that.  
_ **Having to find ways to avoid a certain young lady who continues to stalk me with surveys and handcuffs.  
** _::laughs:: And is that such a bad thing?_  
 **It could be taken either way. I would prefer to concentrate on other matters of importance.**

  
28\. Have you ever danced in the rain?  
 **This question seems out of place.  
** _Yeah, but it's a rather tame one.  
_ **Indeed. No, I have never danced in the rain.  
** _I do have a hard time picturing that. Do you even dance?  
_ **I wasn't aware that you had any need to know that.**  
 _I don't. Just curious. Next thunderstorm though, I'm dragging your butt outside._

  
29\. What's your favorite sport(s)?  
 **Quidditch.  
** _I think that's just about everyone's favorite sport. Most of us love it. Still, there are other sports that are enjoyable.  
_ **Such as?  
** _Well, I like baseball and hockey. Oh! And pro-wrestling.  
_ **Pro-wrestling?  
** _Okay, so it's technically not a sport but it's fun to watch large and sexy men in tight clothes get all sweaty and out of breath._ ****  
Sounds as though it would appeal to many women.  
 _Not as many as you'd think._

  
30\. What do you spend a lot of time doing?  
 **Answering these questions and finding ways to stop the Dark Lord's plans.  
** _But you have to admit that at least these questions are more enjoyable.  
_ **Not particularly.**  
 _Ouch. You wound me!_

*********************

_Look, Sev!!! You made it. No more questions today._   
**Since we are done you plan on releasing me from these bonds, correct?**   
_No, I thought I'd take you to the Three Broomsticks just like this. ::rolls eyes:: Of course I'm going to let you go._   
**Good.**   
_::pulls out the keys to the handcuffs:: Just remember our deal. We have a couple of friendly drinks and then I'll let you go home...._   
**Alone?**   
_I haven't decided that part yet. Guess it all depends on how drunk I can possibly get you. If I recall you prefer virgin firewhisky so I'm hoping your tolerance isn't too high._   
**I shouldn't have agreed to this.**   
_Maybe. But you did and I'm holding you to it. ::waves to the readers:: Wish me luck!!! If it works I'll definitely pass on the drinks that work the best on him. ::grins:: See you all next time!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: _In honor of this being the week of the release of Half Blood Prince I decided to go ahead and do up a quick interlude chapter. This is in response to a review that suggested I record what happens when our dear Professor and I go out for drinks..._  
>  **I cannot believe that you are telling them what happened.**  
>  _They'll find out sooner or later. Now hush and let me rewind the tape._  
>  **Tape?**  
>  _Yeah, there were a few reasons I took you to a muggle bar. One of them being that my video camera will work just fine in one._  
>  **You have a record of that night?**  
>  _Oh yes. And it's time to share...and for the usual disclaimers...I don't own Sevvie or anything from the Harry Potter universe, Miss J.K. Rowling does. Though I still like playing with her toys._

_::stands and waves at the figure in the doorway::_

_Sevvie! Over here!  
  
_ **::sits down and looks around in disgust::  
  
So this is a muggle tavern.  
  
** _It's called a bar out here, Sev.  
  
_ **Don't call me that. And speaking of which, where are we?  
  
** _Sorry, I guess I did neglect to tell you that. This is a favorite bar of mine back home in the States. I forgot that I just had you Floo after me. **  
  
**_**::looks at the drink that is in front of him::** **  
  
****And this is?** _**  
  
**A good starter drink for you. I'm not sure how familiar you are with muggle drinks but this is a pretty tame one, at least compared to mine. ::lifts tall glass for example::  
  
_ **So what is this called?  
  
** _Yours? Rum and coke.  
  
_ **And what is yours?  
  
** _Mine's called a Dirty Dog. A friend introduced me to it and I drink it when I go out. Most people can't handle it.  
  
_ **How so?  
  
** _It's a little strong for most people.  
  
_ **And the one you've given me?  
  
** _I'd consider that too tame for my taste, but I think it's a good way to ease you into my world of drinking.  
  
_ **I see. So do we simply begin or--  
  
** _Nope, we have to toast.  
  
_ **Very well.  
  
** _::lifts her glass::  
  
To an interesting night of conversation and company.  
  
_ **::lifts his glass and touches it to hers::  
  
As you say. And to my surviving this night alive and unmolested.  
  
** _::grins impishly::  
  
We'll see about that.  
  
::takes a swallow of her drink::  
  
Ah, that hit the spot.  
  
_ **::sniffs at his drink and takes a careful sip::  
  
** _Well?  
  
_ **::slightly raspy voice::  
  
It must be an acquired taste.  
  
** _Yeah, but it's a good start for you.  
  
::takes another drink and leans back::  
  
So, why is it I feel like I have to pry every sentence out of you?  
  
_ **I don't know what you mean.  
  
::takes a larger sip of his drink::  
  
** _Just that you don't volunteer any information and getting you to answer a question is like pulling teeth.  
  
_ **When you have had experiences such as mine you will understand. Never volunteer anything.  
  
** _I think I have a solution.  
  
_ **What would that be?  
**

_Chug that drink.  
  
_ **Pardon?  
  
** _Drink it as fast as you can. Right now.  
  
_ **And what will that accomplish?  
  
** _It'll keep you from nursing that drink and possibly loosen you up a little.  
  
_ **Do you plan to do the same?  
  
** _::downs her drink in three large swallows::  
  
Does that answer your question?  
  
_ **Very well.  
  
::tilts his glass and swallows the last of his drink::  
  
::chokes for a moment::  
  
** _A little too much for you?  
  
_ **...not at all...  
  
** _Good. Time for the next round.  
  
::gets up and returns a moment later with two glasses of her drink and places one in front of each of them::  
  
If that was so easy let's move on to what I drink.  
  
_ **::looks at the glass warily::  
  
What is in it?  
  
** _How familiar are you with muggle alcohol?  
  
_ **Moderately familiar.  
  
** _One-third Malibu rum, one-third Captain Morgan, one-third Bacardi 151 and a splash of pineapple juice to top it off.  
  
_ **::eyes water as he sniffs it::  
  
And you expect me to drink this as I did the other one?  
  
** _::smiles sweetly::  
  
I'll let you take about a ten minute break before I ask you to do that.  
  
_ **::raises an eyebrow::  
  
Are you patronizing me?  
  
** _I'm just taking into account that you might not have as high of a tolerance as most people.  
  
_ **Really? How kind.  
  
** _Ah...I missed that sarcasm.  
  
_ **::chugs the glass::  
  
** _Jeez, Sev! I didn't mean for you to do that!  
  
_ **::gasp, wheeze, sputter::  
  
** _Let me get you a glass of water.  
  
::hurries to the bar and returns with a couple of glasses of water which she places in front of him::  
  
Drink one of those when you get a chance.  
_  
 **::nod, wheeze, cough::** _**  
  
**::sits back down and looks at Snape admiringly::  
  
Not many people can even brave the smell of all that alcohol long enough to drink the whole thing.  
  
_ **::takes a couple swallows of water and regains his breath::  
  
How...in the world...are you able to drink that...concoction...so easily?  
  
** _I don't know. I have a decent tolerance to alcohol in the first place. It was built by only drinking hard liquor. Maybe that helped. And the first Dirty Dogs I ever drank were in a speed-drinking contest.  
  
_ **And how many of these can you drink?  
  
** _I've never actually tested my limit of these. I do know that I can chug 4 of them in the span of 2 hours without being ill. And still have room for a little more.  
  
_ **At this point you must be immune to most poisons.  
  
** _I wouldn't be surprised.  
  
::lifts her glass and downs her drink::  
  
So are you feeling any effects yet, Sev?  
  
_ **I am a bit light-headed, yes.  
  
** _Good. I won't make you drink another one for a bit.  
  
_ **Thank Merlin for small favors.  
  
** _Sev, do you really think so little of your fans?  
_

**You want my honest opinion?** _**  
  
**Always.  
  
_ **I'm rather shurprised that sho many people would even take intres-, intrish-, would care about what happens to me.  
  
** _::giggles::  
  
You sound kind of lit, Sev.  
  
_ **Lit?  
  
** _Drunk, pissed, foxed.  
  
_ **Ah. I do feel a bit odd.  
  
** _Good. Go with the feeling. But back to your fans, you're an interesting guy. Besides, women often love the sarcastic ones.  
  
_ **And you told me that they write stories about me pairing me with other people.  
  
** _Yeah, they like to explore what might have been. I'm guilty of it too.  
  
_ **::drunk, yet sarcastic look of surprise::  
  
No, you? The one who threatens me with whips and chains?  
  
** _::smiles::  
  
That's right. Though I'm greedy. I pair you off with OC's.  
  
_ **::blinks in drunken confusion::  
  
Oshe's?  
  
** _OC's. Outside characters. I prefer to pair you off with me but I think people get tired of reading smut involving me. If I create a new character then I can let that one have life of it's own.  
  
_ **Ah. So what do you think of th' stories of me and other men?  
  
** _Slash isn't exactly to my taste. In some cases I like it but not usually.  
  
_ **::picks up a glass of water and sloshes half of it to the table before taking a sip::  
  
::carefully enunciates the next sentence::  
  
And what, may I ask, is to your taste?  
  
** _::blinks in surprise and then smiles::  
  
Are you hitting on me, Professor Snape?  
  
_ **I'm dishplaying curiosity about my apparent captor.  
  
** _Ah, my mistake.  
  
_ **Indeed. Now, please ansher th' question.  
  
** _I'd rather not discuss that in this atmosphere. Besides, should I remember to write all this down this can only take so much a certain rating.  
  
_ **Are you afraid?  
  
** _Sev, you are very drunk. I should probably get you back to Hogwarts to sleep it off.  
  
_ **And how do you plan to get me back?  
  
** _::looks at him for a moment then sighs::  
  
Damn, you're too drunk to Apparate or Floo. Guess we'll have to get a hotel.  
  
_ **Sheperate rooms.  
  
** _Sev, hon, I don't have enough cash on me for that. We'll get what we can afford.  
_  
 **::his eyes blink a couple of times then his head drops to the table, fast asleep::** _**  
  
**And I'll try not to take advantage of you while you are passed out. Guess that means it's time to call a cab.  
  
::stands and hauls Snape out of the chair::  
  
_ **::he wakes back up slightly::  
  
** _Come on, Sev. Let's get you to bed.  
  
_ **Good idea.  
  
::leans against her for support::  
  
Ah, you're warm.  
  
** _::smiles::  
  
Thanks._


End file.
